2024 New Game Releases: This Old Chap Gives His Two Cents

Aha! Computer games in 2024? They just get flashier, louder.. the youngsters with their “Metroidvanias”… bit foreign and frantic for my liking. Give me Pong any day! Still, let’s crack on so I don’t look out of touch. So today, a mix of new releases and remakes, here’s what I make of it all:

Early 2024

Ultros (Q1 2024): Demons in Black Holes? Bit Overdone!

So, Ultros. Apparently, you’re stuck in a black hole. Well, what a pickle! Not the sort of place you’d want to pop into for a pint of bitter. Bit claustrophobic. Then they toss in some sort of demon chap? All tentacles and bad attitude, I wager. A bit derivative if you ask me – demons in space? Seen it all before. And what’s this about battling it with…what do they call it? “Time loops”? That’s my Saturday night with the telly remote, that is.

From the screenshots, there’s a lot of bright colors, I’ll give them that. Looks like something a toddler might scribble on the walls and claim as “modern art.” Mind you, those trippy visuals might come in handy if you’re feeling a bit peckish inside that black hole – at least give you something to distract from the hunger pangs.

All in all, it’s a lot of hullabaloo for what’s likely just another variation on blasting spaceships or jumping about platforms. Still, could be the start of something decent… Suppose someone could stick it on while I’m having a nice soak after a long Sunday drive. Might provide a bit of background…well, noise. Keep myself up-to-date, that’s vital. But don’t tell anyone I said this, wouldn’t want the lads down at the pub thinking I’m going soft!

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons Remake (Feb 2024): A Tearjerker in Disguise?

“Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons Remake.” Now, there’s a title that rings a bell. Bit like a catchy jingle from a budget supermarket advert. Remember the original – two young lads on a whimsical quest, trolls, mythical beasts, the whole nine yards. Controlled by both your thumbs, like trying to text whilst doing the crossword! That’s where they lost me, if I’m honest. Coordination’s not my strong suit –– I blame it on a rogue game of squash in my youth. Point is, I’m more your point-and-click man.

But wait! This remake, there’s a sheen to it. Like a vintage car getting a fresh wax job. Proper cinematic now, wouldn’t you say? They’ve clearly upped their game. Still, does it change the core of it? That’s the sticking point with remakes, isn’t it? Like replacing the sausage in a sausage roll with a fancy mushroom concoction – might look posh, but is it better?

Now, there’s a sentimental thread running through this ‘Brothers’ business. Dying fathers, perilous journeys, all that emotional guff. Bit heavy for a late-night gaming session, if you ask me. Could leave you pondering life’s big questions… or just hankering for a Hobnob. Though, perhaps if they’ve toned down those fiddly puzzles, made it a touch more forgiving, I might, just might, have a dabble.

Wouldn’t want to let on to my wife that I’m enjoying a story about brotherly bonds. A bit soft and squishy for my brand. Besides, that spider plant won’t water itself! Still, who knows? This one might surprise me. Could be a right little tearjerker if I give it a chance. After a stiff drink, mind you.

Pacific Drive (Feb 2024): More Chills Than a Skegness Holiday

“Pacific Drive”…sounds like a disastrous summer holiday! Bit of a wrong turn off the A148 and ending up in Hunstanton on a bank holiday Monday. Rain-soaked sandwiches, screaming kids… not exactly my idea of a good time. But this game, ah, now that’s different. Apparently, you’re trapped in some Pacific Northwest exclusion zone? Dodging anomalies, ghosts floating about – quite the departure from a caravan club rally, I must say!

They call it a “road-lite”. Catchy, but let’s be honest, a car without air conditioning isn’t my style. You’re stuck in this old banger, fixing it up between excursions into the spooky woods. Sounds fiddly. If I wanted to tinker under a bonnet, I’d join the AA and become a roadside hero. Though, the thrill of outrunning danger, that’s got a certain appeal. A bit like trying to outpace a parking warden, if you’ve had a long lunch.

Graphics-wise, it’s got that odd, ethereal look. Not overly realistic, reminds me of those amateur watercolors my uncle Barry churns out after too much sherry. Still, it adds to the whole mystery, I suppose. Bit like an episode of ‘Most Haunted’ but with better production values. Suppose it’s about setting the right mood, and I do enjoy a bit of atmosphere. Reminds me of listening to an audiobook on a foggy drive back from a regional sales conference. Chills down the spine, that sort of thing.

Ultimately, this “Pacific Drive” seems like a rum do. Not for casual gamers like myself, the type who enjoys a relaxing round of online Solitaire. But, if you’re the sort who’s a sucker for a spooky mystery, who likes a bit of grease on their hands, and fancies the open road without needing to top up your Oyster card…well, you might just get a kick out of it. Me? I’ll stick to my audiobooks and a comfortable leather armchair by the fire. Less risk of running into anything paranormal that way.

Mid to Late 2024

Dragon’s Dogma II (2024): Time to Slay with Gusto!

Aha! “Dragons Dogma II”. Now, that sounds more like it! None of this wishy-washy emotional nonsense or spooky car chases. Dragons! Now we’re talking. Give me a good old-fashioned fire-breathing beast to vanquish any day of the week!

Apparently, this is the follow-up folks have been clamoring for. Climbing colossal monsters, a spot of magic, and those Pawn chaps who follow you about – like having a lackey without the expense of actually hiring one. Bit odd, if you ask me, but then I’ve never understood those types who dress up in chainmail and wave replica swords about at Comic-Con. Each to their own, I suppose.

From what I gather, this ‘Dragon’s Dogma’ has that open-world appeal; wide vistas, quests galore – perfect for losing a few hours after a particularly dull business lunch. It’s about crafting your own hero, isn’t it? Bit like tailoring a LinkedIn profile, all about showcasing your strengths. I’d make mine all about slaying the competition, naturally. Alan Partridge: Keynote Speaker Slayer. Catchy, don’t you think?

Now, the original had a reputation for being a bit brutal – not ideal for those of us used to having Lynn fetch a pot of tea mid-battle. Word on the street is this sequel aims to make things a touch more approachable. A good move! Not that I shy away from a challenge, mind you. That one particularly grueling round of golf in Bognor Regis has given me an iron will.

The thing is, when I hear dragons, I think back to ‘Game of Thrones’, the early stuff before it all went tits up. Epic battles, a hint of political intrigue, maybe even a banquet thrown in with a giant roast boar. If this ‘Dragon’s Dogma II’ captures that sense of scale, that bit of ‘oomph’, then count me in! Give me soaring orchestral music, dramatic landscapes, and the chance to bellow a mighty roar after finishing off a particularly pesky winged serpent. Who needs ‘Call of Duty’ when you can have that?

Now, just need to make sure my darling other doesn’t catch me looking too excited… Can’t let on that a bit of fantastical escapism appeals to the old dragon slayer in me!

Rise of the Ronin (2024): Too Much Blood for Polite Combat

Right then, let’s talk about this “Rise of the Ronin” business. Sounds serious – something you’d see at the National History Museum, not on a PlayStation. It’s all Japanese history, isn’t it? Samurai chaps, those curved swords, bit like what they have in Wagamama but slightly more dangerous. Back in my day, a skirmish was settled with a strongly worded letter or a passive-aggressive memo if things got hairy.

From what I’ve seen, this isn’t for the faint of heart. Blood splatters, limbs flying – they haven’t skimped on the graphic details. Now, I enjoy a good historical documentary, bits of battlefield reenactment… but that’s from the comfort of my armchair. There’s something uncomfortable about being up to my eyeballs in the thick of it, even if it’s just pixels. Reminds me of when they let those Vikings loose at the North Norfolk Agricultural Show…not my cup of tea!

They say it’s an open-world adventure. Now, an open-world museum tour I might manage, but dodging assassins or political wrangling? That’s more of a holiday you book by accident through a dodgy teletext deal. You know the sort: crumbling hotels, suspicious ‘local cuisine’… No thanks! This sort of immersion has more in common with being dropped into a live episode of ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ – messy family trees and the potential for embarrassment.

Mind you, the swordplay does look…well, rather swashbuckling. Perhaps they should offer a difficulty setting. Imagine… ‘Alan Partridge: Polite Combatant’. Instead of hacking enemies to bits, it’s witty retorts and well-placed gestures of disapproval. Now THAT I could get behind!

Ultimately, this “Rise of the Ronin” seems a niche interest. For hardcore gamers who thrive on that adrenaline rush, who live for meticulously mapped-out battle strategies. My idea of strategy these days mostly involves finding a shortcut to the petrol station when the low fuel light pops on. And as for historical accuracy, well, I’ll stick to those documentaries narrated by that fellow with the soothing voice, not ones where I’m expected to rewrite history myself with a rusty katana.

Alone in the Dark (2024): Chills, But Do They Serve Tea?

“Alone in the Dark”, eh? Sounds positively bleak – like realizing there’s no more custard creams left during an ad break. Still, they’re making a comeback with this, aren’t they? One of those survival horror originals, back when game characters moved like tanks and a flickering flashlight caused more jump scares than the actual monsters.

Word has it they’re aiming for a proper gothic atmosphere. Not those haunted houses from cheap funfairs – crumbling mansions, shadows flickering from unseen sources… that sort of unease that stays with you after the screen goes black. Bit like my old university halls after someone had nicked all the lightbulbs for a prank. I always kept a pocket torch handy after that… wouldn’t have lasted five minutes in this game!

The setting, from what I gather, is this Deep South manor house. Now, my only experience with that is watching reruns of American ‘Antiques Roadshow’. Seems more a place for finding dusty heirlooms, not something lurking in the cellar. Of course, if my great-aunt Mildred owned such a place, wouldn’t be surprising if there were a few cobwebs and the odd surprise tucked away, perhaps that hideous silver tea set she tried to foist on me…terrifying in its own way, I suppose.

They say there’s an emphasis on narrative in this ‘Alone in the Dark’ reimagining. Bit of mystery – perhaps a dodgy will-reading or a ghostly family squabble? That bit I might fancy. A bit like listening to a true-crime podcast while stuck in traffic. Keeps the old mind ticking over without all the running for your life business. Although, if they get those puzzles too convoluted, that’s me out. One cryptic letter in an attic is enough to send me screaming for a proper Sudoku instead.

Still, there’s something undeniably classic about it, isn’t there? Like when they re-release a forgotten gem on classic FM on a wet Sunday afternoon— a bit of atmospheric nostalgia amidst the modern stuff. It’s one for the connoisseurs, those who’ve cut their teeth on old-school chills. Now, if they could just add a difficulty setting called ‘Nervous Nelly’… lights on, slow-moving ghouls, perhaps a cup of cocoa by your side. Then a bloke like me might have a go! It’d be less ‘Alone in the Dark’ and more a slightly unsettling holiday cottage adventure.

Additional Notes

Game Delays:

Game development is complex, and delays are sadly frequent. Stay updated on these titles throughout the year to make sure the release timeline hasn’t shifted.
Smaller Gems: Keep an eye out for indie gems and interesting experimental titles alongside these more high-profile releases. Exploring different game stores and news sites is a great way to discover unique experiences.