Perfect gift for someone you dislike, a lot

May 25, 2013

shit visuals appalling load times buy for those you hate
[Rating:0] – I can’t think of anything redeemable
I wrote a post recently that I should review poor games from time to time, and this weekend is certainly it.

Fast and Furious Showdown is perhaps the worst game I’ve played on a 3rd generation console.

I do like driving games, and have even been known to enjoy a Fast and Furious film. I would not say that I am a big fan, I just wanted to give the impression that I am coming from a positive / neutral background when I describe how poor this game actually is.

Pros:

  • I didn’t pay for it

Cons:

  • Shit load times. Like really really shit, which is surprising as the full game files are barely over 2Gb
  • Terrible inter level… now I’m going to use the terms cut scenes and FMV, but this gives the product far more grandeur than it deserves.
  • The voice acting is passion less.
  • It seems the director of the cut scenes (ergh) was just trying to go for shots that would most perv on the female characters… not good at all
  • Then in game it switches, no snaps, between the characters in conversation, reminding me of Japanese cartoons that had been edited into series from 20 mins of footage. (Battle of the Planets)
  • The handling of the cars, some things could have been overlooked if this worked well, but it is far from working competently.

So the lack of in game physics, characters that are engaging, a plot device, and loading times that allowed me to compile this between the first 2 levels… pick the worst fault.

Individually these factors are not game spoilers, but the composite of them all is appalling.

I wonder how much was paid for the licence to make this game, and more why they then went and wasted it like this.

If you need to buy someone a present, and you don’t really like them, this then, and only then is this the perfect gift.

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